When Easter Feels Messy

This morning she was flipping through her art book, and she paused at a brilliant page. She thoughtfully examined her creation. Her art captivates me. It’s always so vibrant and free. Arms are outstretched. Carefree stick figures usually wearing long dresses for dancing, feet clad in clompy high heels and ears dangling with dramatic earrings….

Let love lead the way

Lakelyn doesn’t fully understand that Megan isn’t just like her. Of course “adoption” and “Down Syndrome” are not new words to her, but I don’t think her little mind has fully grasped what they really mean. All Lakelyn knows is that her best friend loves dress up, playing dolls and speaks a little slower sometimes…

The Gift of These Scars

I stroked his hair as I woke him up this morning, my little boy turned young man. “Isaac went to heaven 13 years ago today,” and all the sudden tears I didn’t know were there stung my eyes. Weston’s sleepy eyes focused on my face and he pulled his face closer to me, offering comfort…

Still There, Always There

We woke up next to the sea five days in a row, sometimes before the sun came up and other times with the light curling through the blinds and splashing onto the bed. It was always there, roaring, pounding crashing in the background. Sometimes I closed my eyes and just let the music sing to…

Dear 2020

Dear 2020, You were the year none of us really expected. At first you were sneaky, subtle, and cheeky. But you blew your cover, and your true colors couldn’t be hidden, even behind your mask and confined by plastic partitions. You may think you won, but I have a little story to tell. 2020, you…

Courage, dear heart

I pull him close, and we hold a long duel, he and I, and eventually mama wins. Teething has been brutal and he fights his nap with a vengeance. But now I tuck his sleeping form into my bed, his small fat hands relaxed, open by his chin. As I quietly stand up, something catches…

What if…

I made supper. I changed diapers. No one knew inside I was crying. Something had happened that stabbed deep. It was unintentional and I knew right away it was an oversight. Sometimes life deals you the short straw. It’s just how it goes. I breathed deep, at first pretending it didn’t hurt. I avoided my…

The Torn Cardboard Sign

I pulled my car onto the exit ramp and slowed behind the glowing brake lights ahead. My mind clicked through the list of places I need to hit, streamlining each stop as much as possible. Gone are the days of sauntering through shopping trips, now I execute them with precision, holding my breath that the…

More than Meets the Eye

There is so much more than meets the eye. Five children stood holding hands, illuminated by the morning light filtering through the redwood forest. The green canopy stretched high overhead, heavy and hushed, as if the tall trees were waiting to whisper something to us… But the real story behind this moment was we couldn’t…

These Beautiful Scars

The morning haze lay thick, shrouding the world in a sleepy mantle. I pulled the thick blanket tighter over my shoulders and around the baby in my lap. Wind whipped up over the rocks and snuck its way under the fleece around me. Slowly, slowly the sky warmed and glowed, empty blue giving way to…