This thing of trust

He was all ready to go. Thick leather jacket sipped up, shoes tied, coffee drunk.
In minutes he would be buzzing along the cool morning road, enjoying the sparkling new world.
Today is a big day.
The trusses are getting set on the big house they are framing.
Its always a bit of a thrill to watch the boom truck hand up trusses one at a time,
as my acrobatic husband, balanced way high on 2x4s, secures them.
He’s the one up on top, and he loves it.

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But with my face buried against the cool leather, I squeaked out,
“Wanna pray for special protection today?”
He looked at me and smiled, almost like a father looking at a troubled daughter.
“But doesn’t the Bible say,” he said, his mouth curling into a naughty little grin,
‘whoever shall lose his life shall save it?’”
“But,” I countered, “whoever has a wife and kids should try not to get killed!”

He wrapped me close and began,
“Dear Lord, be with Melissa today.
Protect her as she drives these dangerous roads,
where people wreck and are killed everyday.
Keep her from having head on collisions.
Keep her from going off the road.
Protect her fingers as she grinds sausage with the meat grinder.
Protect the children from falling in the pool and drowning,
and from getting bit by Brown Recluse Spiders…”

 I smiled self-consciously and pounded him on the back, “Stop it!”
“Okay,” he said, “Your turn.”
“Lord, bless Daniel as he sets trusses today.
Put a special hedge of protection around him.
In Jesus’ name, amen.”

I looked up and his eyes still twinkled with that little boyish mischievousness.
I love this boy/man I married.
But, I’ll admit, the very wild adventurousness that attracted me to him
sometimes scares me now.

It seems to be a daily thing, this trust issue.
We live in a real world, where things happen.
The fact that I lost my dad and brother doesn’t make it any easier.
I have to zoom out, widen my lens, and see a bigger picture.
And who holds it.
Sure, it’s okay to pray for protection, but to allow God to be more than a safety charm.
To allow him to be his powerful, perfect self.
To realize that releasing my most cherished people into God’s hands is, in fact,
the safest thing to do.

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5 thoughts on “This thing of trust

  1. You cannot know how much i needed this and agree with your heart… With my dad dying this year, watching someone so healthy die so fast, fear wants to grab my heart and i hate the word cancer. I don’t want it to take anyone else I love, most of all Ralph. But we can’t live in fear… I have to trust the one who loves me most! Thank you for these words…

  2. I agree with Hannah! Coming through all we have in Nigeria the last 18 months and then losing papa has made me uncomfortably aware of the brevity of life all around me. Suddenly, death feels more certain than life does and I feel more cautious with my children’s activities, etc. Daryl is getting on a plane today to fly the many miles back to us – but in my heart, I’m afraid to hope that I will actually get to see him. Not so much a palpable fear as a holding back from throwing myself into life – because death seems right around the corner. I’ve done lots of ‘releasing my most cherished people into God’s hands’ in my life. But somehow, I think the hardest thing right now is to give myself permission to get excited about living. Life feels so transient – so easy to lose. I want more than to simply NOT live in fear – I want to embrace all the goodness of God in LIFE – even in the things that don’t LOOK good. 🙂

    1. How well I know… Throwing oneself 100% into life seems only to open us up to more potential pain. But somehow, in this mystery of life, we are called to do the impossible, and live life to the fullest, in the face of death.

  3. …tears…
    this part spoke to me:
    “I have to zoom out, widen my lens, and see a bigger picture.
    And who holds it.”

    you did it again.
    you pointed me to the One who is in control of everything.
    and made me cry.
    you are good at both.
    thanks.

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