Trusting, through our tears…

Bare stalks reach for the winter sky.
Clouds hang gloom and press heavy, crushing us to the ground.
Warm summer days and harvest long gone,
all that is left is an occasional dried pod shivering in the icy wind.
Tears burn a frozen line down my cheeks.
Here in this place, the only language is tears.

When life has seemed so full of promise, so full of hope,
now we stagger in the face of loss.
Empty.
I look at my hands, and I have nothing to offer.
I see in her eyes the agony few know.

He was just here.
His laugh still echoes in our memory,
the grill on the porch where he last used it.
His shoes tossed by the back door, dirty laundry still in the basket.
At twenty, his young widow has smiled bravely.
Shone radiantly through her tears.
But the funeral is over.
And life goes on, at least for everyone else.
She feels her unborn son kick,
and a dagger pierces her heart again because he will never see his father.
At least on earth.

Pain. Heart searing into numbed agony.
Tears. Everything tastes salty.

And in all this, where is God?

I clutch the steering wheel under the white moon
on the way home from the hospital at three in the morning.
Tears drip onto my coat.
We know He is good, but how on earth do we process this?
How can God look on as this young girl is catapulted from honeymoon bliss
to cold widowhood, all at the hand of a thoughtless burglar?
I question. I whisper, even say, the words that burn a hole in my heart.
The cold creeps in around me. I reach for the heat again.

But it’s still there, under all the agony.
Under the layers and layers of gut-wrenching pain:
I know God makes no mistakes.

In the pain, He is good. In the shattered pieces, He brings new life.
From the ashes springs up a better, more glorious story.
Right now we feel the rawness of this loss.
And Jesus feels it too.
He wept when Lazarus died, even while He knew
the miracle He was about to perform.
But He also sees the end of this story,
and the priceless beauty He is working in this precious girl.
In each of us, really.

Once again we stand on the edge of a cold grave,
and dirt slips between our fingers down into the hole in front of us.
A life, so dear to us, is with God. We worship through our tears.
We say, not seeing, just knowing,
“You are good.” We lift these tear stained, mud marred hands to heaven.
And it is a sweet offering to our Maker.
To see hearts bleeding, but trusting.
Job’s words ring in my mind, and become part of breathing, part of living,
part of making it through each day of grief…
“Though you slay me, I will trust you.”
For where else would we turn? We have no one but Him.

The wind still blows cold. Months of winter are still to come.
But already the seeds of spring are sown deep into the earth,
and deep into our hearts.
We water them with our tears,
and God shines his promise of true life onto them…
The seed dies, but soon, so soon,
life will push out of this dead ground.
Soon, we too, will push past this crust of death
and burst into true life.

Because spring is coming.

Image

For more information on Marco and Maryann, you can go to their FB page here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Praying-for-Marco/181221638750126?ref=br_tf

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24 thoughts on “Trusting, through our tears…

  1. Melissa, thank you for sharing these beautiful, raw thoughts, in the midst of so much thorn…under the layer and layers, He makes no mistakes..He reigns. love in Him.

  2. Tears falling!!! I am so heartbroken for Maryann & her unborn son! May God heal you & keep you strong. You are an Inspiration to all of us! Thoughts & Prayers are with you daily.

  3. Many thoughts and prayers have been with you as we grieve not only Marco… but also Isaac… I’m sure this is about both of them. *hugs*

  4. I am reading this to my husband with tears rolling down my face. I cannot imagine you loss, especially the loss that Maryanne must be feeling. I am praying for you all and am so inspired by your testimony of faith in this deep, deep valley. You come to mind throughout the day and I know to pray for you even though I don’t know you. God bless you with comfort and love from those who are closest to you at this time.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your heart! As I read your post, it is amazing how the hurt that you are feeling, the hurt of Maryann, yet you shared HOPE through HURT!!! We continue to pray for you all knowing that God is glorified even when we cannot trace His hand, we MUST trust His heart!!!

  6. Thanks for the beautiful poem. While we have God, we have hope.

    And the Man of all sorrows, he never forgot / What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought / So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God / The aching may remain but the breaking does not / In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God.
    – Silence of God, by Andrew Peterson

  7. Pingback: 2014. |
  8. Dear sweet Melissa, I wish we could hug and cry together. I’m so sorry the loss of someone so close has come to you. I know you are trusting and clinging to our God….who truly does all things well. Thank you for expressing the deep things of your heart. I know only Jesus can heal the pain and “bring Spring” to your hearts, but please know I think of you and love you. I’ll always remember our coffee time in Honduras where you ministered deeply to my heart. You are a jewel in His hand.

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