Sometimes words flow.
But this morning all that came were tears.
Instead, my brother-in-law found the words.
The words my heart was searching for.
can it be six years ago?
That camping trip. It was going to be the greatest of adventures.
We were all so young, so strong. So full of anticipation.
So ready to take on anything.
I remember that raging river.
His piercing eyes, looking into mine. The last time.
Those eyes, and that boy. So full of adventure and life.
And courage. So unafraid.
Nothing was ever too big for him to try.
“Come along”, he’d asked me.
“I can think of more pleasant ways to die”, I replied,
hoping he’d catch the warning.
I tried to sound casual, tried not to betray the worry I felt.
I knew that river was too much for him.
God, why didn’t I stop him?
I’d long watched this boy. And loved him.
His quest. His thirst, that knew no limit.
For understanding. For something, someone vast.
Who could out question him.
It was his fight.
Navigating that rugged road from boy to man.
It hurt to watch. But no amount of caring could walk that road for him.
That day I watched helplessly as he disappeared
into the raging torrent.
We prayed as we’d never prayed before.
We searched. We cried. We waited.
And then we let go.
I’ve questioned. I’ve wondered.
Why God? How could You? Why didn’t I? What if?
All of that.
God doesn’t owe me an answer.
But he has assured me of his goodness.
And today Isaac is experiencing the fullness of that goodness.
That day in the river Isaac found something that was much too large for him.
His answer. His Father. His river of LIFE!
Today I also remember the journey of his family and friends.
The questions. Pain. Shattered dreams. Letting go. Surrender.
The ache of missing him that has become so “normal”.
That makes us long for heaven.
And today I honor them for making the tough choices.
For facing impossible reality.
For choosing to surrender and let go.
For choosing to believe that God is good,
when all of life is screaming that he is a traitor.
For choosing to trust him in spite of that.
For letting go of the self-protective walls.
For opening your battered and torn hearts to the healing love of Jesus.
Today I want to tell you that He is proud of you.
And Isaac is too.
Very soon you’ll look into his eyes and again see the familiar sparkle.
And yet with something new.
The search over. The questions answered.
The delight of knowing Him fully.”